Posted in Lyrics, Poetry, Spoken Word, Writing

3am Random Dream-induced Lyrics

…and she said
I still think I might have
Liked to have a try
But this is really best –
Not being perfect all the time
And when I
Close my eyes I can
Still look up and
See his face
He’s just something
I can’t erase.

Funny thing that happens
Somewhere further
Down the road
One minute she is driving
Listening to what
She doesn’t know
And all the sudden he is
Right there in her mind
And she remembers…
Random things
Like how he said hello.
And how in winter
His boots left patterns
In her car
Or how his
Crazy Aunt Roberta
Still stalks her on Instagram
Or the
Way he made his coffee
Is just how she
Makes her coffee
And the way he held her
Closer than her pillow
Made her
Want to stay in his arms
Forever and a day
But the way he
Acted like they
Weren’t a thing
Drives those memories away

…and she said
I still think I might have
Liked to have a try
But this is really best –
Not being perfect all the time
And when I
Close my eyes I can
Still look up and
See his face
He’s just something
I can’t erase.

She’s getting older now
Her hair is turning grey
She looks out the window
Of her favorite cafe
And there he is
Carrying in the morning paper
And he almost walks
Right by her
When suddenly
A smile becomes his face
So he sits down and
They rejoin the conversation
They had years ago
But this time he has softened
And two hours later
He still lingers
With his hand
Resting softly
With his fingers
Intertwined with hers –
The conversation this time
Feels like
More than just some words

…and he said
I still think I might
Like to have a try
And this is really best –
Not being perfect all the time
All my life I want to
Wake up and see your face
You’re the one
I never could replace.

Posted in heartache, Life Lessons, Poetry, Spoken Word, Truth, waiting, Word, Writing

You can be quiet

The sun slowed down and
Took one last look over the horizon.
It had had a long productive day and
Could finally meander on to
The other side.
Meander.
That’s what my car did –
Steady and slow like the sun.
“I’ve been… feeling really quiet.”
My text whispered through the screen as I
Wiped an unbidden tear.
“You can be quiet it’s okay,”
Came the reply.
I laughed out loud.
I needed to laugh in that moment.
I knew what they meant:
It’s okay to have a quiet moment.
But I’m a word girl and always quickly assess
Multiple meanings words can have
If taken out of context.
Perhaps I need to be quiet more often. Lol.
I’m glad my friends get my
Inappropriate laughter.
Even via text.

The truth is
I have not shut up lately.
Not with my friends.
For context I’m naturally
Quiet, especially
Around people I don’t know.
But when I trust you
I lay my soul bare.
And do so often.

But the truth is –
I need to be quiet.
I need to take a step back and
See things as they truly are.
The truth is:
I’ve been walking in
A daydream for far too long.

I need to regroup and refocus.

This blog is meant to meander.
Like the sun.
Like my car.
Like my thoughts.
To make you, reader,
Pause.
“Be quiet.
And in the quiet – be still
And in the stillness – rest
And in the rest – listen.”

That is wisdom from one of my favorite pastors.

Quiet doesn’t always happen
In the dark, or
In depression.
In fact, the best quiet times I have
Are in the light of a brand new day when I
Sit outside with a cup of morning
And a copy of my favorite book
And just breathe it in.

So…
Meander. Be quiet. Breathe.
Thanks for letting me be transparent and vulnerable
While my thoughts find their
Rest on this page.

Rest well.
Goodnight.
I love you.

Posted in Love, Poetry, Spoken Word

I “_______” You

The question I’ve been pondering is

What does love really look like?

Is it sweet romance, happenstance,

Beautiful, blissful,

Flowers, kisses, and love letters?

It has got to be more than a mention

More than affection, attention,

More than just lovers carving hearts into the sand.

The question I’ve been pondering is

What does love really feel like?
Is it tears of joy,
A walk in a garden,
A playful puppy with a three year old?

It has got to be more than an emotion,
More than a fairy tale, a notion,
More than riding off on a white horse.

The question I’ve been pondering is
What do we mean when we say
“I love you”
When those words
More than won’t do –

Why don’t we say what we really mean, then?

Like with my kids, what’s really happening is…

I “quality time playing Mario-Kart 8 for the third night in a row because you’re a cool kid” you.

I “working extra hours when I don’t feel great so we can go on vacation this summer” you.

And with our significant others…

I “holding hands in a movie theater” you.

I “texting you out of the blue because I can’t get you off my mind” you.

I “created a new playlist with songs that remind me of us” you.

I “still get butterflies in my tummy when I see your name on the caller ID” you.

And in my pondering I’ve come to realize that
Love looks like sacrifice –
Love looks like working hard all day and
Coming home with a smile on your face and
Keeping the smile there while you do dishes because
Your kids have a clean home and,
Come next paycheck – new shoes, or school clothes or
A paid-for cell phone, electricity, a vacation.
Love looks like a tired momma at the end of the day
With no left-over paycheck to show for all her hard work,
But a house full of happy kids to fill up her heart…

Love feels like…
A Daddy wiping his own tears after his daughter walks out the door with her prom date or

Swinging on the back porch swing with a
Glass of sweet iced tea while you
Watch the kids and the puppy play like
Kids and a puppy…

Love feels like a first kiss –
Standing on a park bridge
While the rain
Starts and stops and starts again, but you don’t notice
Because you are
Too busy falling deeper
For the one you hold –
Not only with your arms,
but now with your
Heart…

Love feels like fishing
After a long workday
On a calm lake,
Like a good night’s sleep,
Like love…

Love is a deep-abiding commitment that, during or after an argument, says –
“You first.” and
“I’m so sorry.” and
“If I had to do it all over again I’d still choose you.”
Love can’t wait to get home to the someone they love.
Love is always being on the same team.

But because this world has tried to re-brand love,
I’d rather throw that word out the window,
Or set it on a shelf until it becomes less misused and more of a
Treasure each time it slips off our lips…

I “cotton candy clouds on a road-trip” you.
I “new socks on freshly showered feet” you.
I “waiting on God’s timing to turn my heart your way” you.
I “_______” you.

(Try it for yourself – you’ll see…)