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My Final Goodbye

Dear Insecurity,

I never thought I’d be sitting here writing you this letter. In fact, I didn’t realize you’d taken up residence in my life at all until someone showed me a picture. And there you were – right in close behind me – photo bombing my life. You were in every frame. I just didn’t know it until I slowed down long enough to look through my life’s photo gallery.

And there you were, in

Every. Single. Frame.

I addressed you by your formal name, Insecurity, but you have many an alias: Self-Doubt, Hesitancy, Apprehension, Fear, Anxiety, Panic, Timidity. And you come in unannounced with your usual gang of thugs – Pride, Vanity, Stubbornness, Control, Jealousy, Codependency, Unforgiveness, Relationship-Addiction, Lust, and Gossip.

What a motley crew.

The sad thing is – I opened the door and let you all in, and you just stayed, satisfied with using me as a host until I looked in the mirror someone was kind enough to hold up for me and found my heart dehydrated, malnourished, lethargic, barely beating.

You thrived while I slowly began to die.

But something happened recently. Remember those proverbial photo albums I just mentioned? I found some older ones in my memory. I found the ones from when my heart was pure and healthy and strong. Before you. Before I became this sick version of myself.

With you and your cheering squad (all those I allowed in my life that fed you and made you stronger) I became a weaker version of myself. I allowed people you also inhabited into my life who promised to make me happy, yet bled me dry.

You’ve lied and lied and I’ve believed and believed, but it’s time for me to stand up to you and replace your lies with Truth.

I am not who you say – I am who I AM says I am.

I am not insecure – I am secure in the finished work of Jesus’ blood on the cross.

I am not better off dead – I am alive in Christ. It’s the OLD me who is dead. Get it straight.

I am not anxious or depressed – I am equipped with a sound mind.

I am not illegitimate – I am adopted.

I am not unforgiveable – I am forgiven.

I am not unworthy – I am bought with a high price.

I am not broken – I am fearfully and wonderfully made (present tense).

I am not a lost cause – I am redeemed.

I am not ugly in any way – I am beautiful.

I am not controlling – I AM is in control.

I am not your friend – I am a friend of God, which means you are my enemy.

I am not unlovable – I am loved.

You are not welcome in my life any longer. You and your entire aforementioned crew are henceforth banished from me. Forever. As a permanent statute. This document is legal and binding.

Get off my property in the Almighty name of the Everlasting God, Lord of my life.

Run away and never return.

As I begin to grow and get nourishment and live again there’s no doubt my life will get better. Your effects on my life are not permanent.

No doubt, though – our paths WILL cross again – because I know you need a host in which to live, and when I see you thriving off of someone else, I will show them the old crippled way in which I used to live when I allowed you trespass, and when they see the new me, they will know Christ and they will evict you. So don’t get comfortable.

No, we’re not parting on good terms. No, we’re not ever going to be friends again. I’m blocking you upon hitting send.

One final thought, Insecurity and Crew,

Go back to hell where you belong.

This is my final goodbye.

-Melissa