Each day is a little easier.
21 days.
3 weeks today.
And my heart is beginning
To understand
What it really needs,
What it really feels,
What it really longs for.
This 40-day journey will continue
Well past its Sept 24th end-date.
Healing has no timeline.
But I’m finding this time has been
Necessary to regroup,
To let the air and the light in,
To heal.
And the healing hasn’t just been
From the last year or so of
What-ifs…
It’s been from a lifetime of
Why?
And Why-me?
And What’s wrong with me?
I’m learning to embrace me.
This sounds strange to me because
My heart was made to love others deeply.
I wasn’t made like you.
My heart beats in stanzas and
Is filled with enjambments.
My favorite color is every
Hue and changing glimmer
Of sunset.
I live to help and love
And encourage.
A good hug is pure comfort.
So to live unloved in a way
I had hoped to be loved
For years and years
Has been torture to a heart that
Lives to love and be loved.
But I haven’t been unloved.
Not really.
I have kids and family and friends
Who are amazing.
I’m a communicator.
But I’ve realized lately I’ve taken
Scraps of communication in the
Form of texts and “likes” and emojis.
Mere scraps.
Let’s have coffee and conversation.
Let me drink in your story
And share mine over crispy bacon
And creamy-sweet coffee and
A side of hugs and laughter.
Let’s take in a movie, then sunset.
Let’s do life.
Putting down my phone these past weeks has helped me to
Sleep better,
Communicate better,
Think, breathe, work, play,
Live better.
So my journey continues.
As does my healing.
I’m in a battle for a settled,
Well-balanced heart.
As I said in a blog a couple of days ago,
“They lied to us.”
Love is NOT a fairytale.
Love is the day-to-day choice
To be kind and love well
And abide – together –
No matter what.
I’m facing reality squarely.
I lean on your prayers
And I am always praying for you.
When I’m done,
Let’s do life – and friendship –
Better.
I love you.
I’m happy to be able to almost hear contentment between the lines. Your words are soothing to folks who haven’t completely unplugged like you! 🙃
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So glad to hear that you are finding answers …opening doors… and finding all the nuances of light within yourself! Bold, courageous, Lioness … I am blessed to be a friend and follower of your blogs, as you navigate through! Love and light ❤
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I love you. Love our friendship.
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