Have you ever been so tired, not physically, but mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually that you can’t move?
That’s me right now. And if you came here because you saw the title, I’m so sorry you’re that tired. But I’m here to tell you there’s hope for us. Let’s walk through this together.
Yesterday was a beautiful Spring day in North Texas. I took the kids to the Dallas Zoo. I had been waiting all day for a call from a company I’d been interviewing with for exactly 2 months. I’d been through four phone interviews, a writing assessment that required hours of technical research, set up, testing, and writing, and a 5-hour, six person (1 at a time) in-person interview. I’d passed all of that, and as the day went on, my excitement grew. Three and a half long months of waiting and praying was about to be over. I finally got the call and heard the words, “unfortunately, we will not be extending you an offer…blah blah blah…”.
What the heck, dude!
It’s in these moments that it begins. It starts in my gut somewhere and radiates numbness through my core. It feels like stepping into a weighted jumpsuit and trying to walk around.
Last time I felt this was in 2017 when my daughter’s depression and anxiety got the best of her and she spent 10 long nights in a Children’s hospital in a locked ward. Every day I drove the 32 miles from my home to the hospital in downtown Dallas and then back again at night. Crying. Learning about how to help her. Praying she’d be okay. Wondering where I’d gone wrong. Being angry at circumstances that led to her depression. Then 3 more months back and forth 4x a week for therapy. Somewhere in the middle of the second month I found myself ugly crying in front of strangers in a room full of other parents in my situation on the 14th floor of a rehab facility down the hall from her therapy. I was the only single mom there.
Moments like these are just plain hard, and I’d love to tuck myself into bed and wake up to new circumstances on a new day. I imagine you may have felt this way too at some point.
But I have made the choice before a hard season ever comes that I am going to face reality squarely, put on my armor, put on my brave face like I put on makeup, and keep moving forward.
I have found the following things usually help me. If they help you too, that’s great. I say “usually”, because sometimes they don’t help. Or sometimes just one or two of these help.
But I always try.
- Let my friends and family know I’m stuggling (pick safe people to tell).
- Find a support group (I choose Celebrate Recovery because it adds group worship, which helps me so much).
- Spend time in the Bible (I do this in all seasons. If you don’t have a desire for the Word, ask God to give you a desire for it. This prayer changed my life: “God, help me long for your Word. Amen.”)
- Take a long drive. Drive time is think-time.
- Take a deep breath.
- Go for a walk/exercise.
- Change your environment.
- Keep things as normal as possible (especially if you have kids).
I’ll find a job soon enough and it will be the right one. My kiddo who I talked about earlier is doing great. She’s better now than before and going great places in her life.
One of my favorite quotes from a Beth Moore Bible study is relevant here:
“We’ll never make it to our milestones if we can’t make it through our moments.”
This, my friend, is just a moment. Keep walking forward. You’re almost there.