Posted in Poetry, Word

King David and Stuttering Metrical Dactyls (just read)

I imagine King David,
writing instrument in hand,
scroll on one knee,
writing furiously –
trying to beat the dusk.
This is when poets live –
as the world falls asleep,
poetic minds wake –
Imagery marches down the page.
Poetic hearts beat iambic pentameter,
Thoughts come faster
than hands can write…
da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM
da-DUM da-DUM
Until adjectives lie breathing, exhausted on the page.
Until anxieties fade,
Anger subsides,
And all remaining questions
get asked of God.
It is only then,
When stuttering metrical dactyls
Screech to a comma
That life begins.
Or begins again.
This is where I find King David:
Enjambing justice and right against
Poetic praise.
“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy…”
“…the Lord has become my fortress, and my God the rock in whom I take refuge.”
Sometimes words bring trouble.
Sometimes they sort it through.
The Psalmist shoulders the gift and the burden.

(Somehow I got all this from reading Psalm 94.)

Posted in Cancer, Life Lessons, Word

My Word for 2019

Ups and Downs

This year has been a roller-coaster. It began January 4th with a biopsy by way of a D&C.

It continued to May 17th – when I had surgery to remove fast-growing pre-Cancerous cells by removing my uterus. It was not the surgery I signed up for. There were complications. A laparoscopic procedure became an open abdominal procedure and it took months, not weeks, to recover. I spent weeks in bed and my depression level spiked.

One thing people say they notice from my social media presence is that I am a person who absolutely trusts and believes in God. This is true.
But it is also true that my faith has been tested more this past year than any other.

Also this year – I re-gained and then quickly re-lost my sister. This has been something I’m quietly grieving. It is so deep…

I’ve felt my heart ache more times this year over more situations than I have blog space for.
I have cried more tears than I thought were humanly possible.

Finding Hope

But I’ve freshly realized that for every single horrible moment in my life, I have had the opportunity to use it to help someone else through a similar circumstance.
I am grateful for that.

This will go down as the year I fell deeply in love with God via His Word. I just can’t put it down. I prayed for this and found that God was faithful to give me an unquenchable thirst for the deeper things in the Bible.

As I struggled with the reality of Cancer this year, I’ve realize that my perspective on things is always clearer when I look upward instead of inward.

Don’t miss this: What I need is to be honest about my struggle with depression so that someone else can see what it is to struggle and still (imperfectly) rely on God.
God did not order this chaos; God is bringing order to this chaos.
I’m not sure where you are in life – but I know you’re not alone, because…I struggle too.

Word of the Year

At the end of each year, I ask God for one word or phrase that will carry me through the next year. In 2018, my word was “MEASURE(D)”. It’s interesting because I can’t tell you how many medical tests and how much of my bloodwork was measured this year. But in the end, what is immeasurable is how much I’ve grown spiritually this year and how much deeper – my love for the Lord.

My word for 2019 is “MORE”.

I can’t wait to see what that looks like.

Pray about your word for 2019 and comment here or on my Facebook page.

I’d love to know your word for 2019.