Lord, I know you search me
You know all my thoughts
You know when I sit quietly
Or when I stand up –
You understand me.
Close by or faraway you
Reach me –
You know just when I sleep
Or when I’m walking,
Nothing catches you by surprise.
Before I begin to speak, you
Know what I’m going to say.
Before I write a word you
Know how my heart’s overflow
On the page.
Your hand is on me
You go behind and before me.
Your wondrous knowledge
Is beyond me.
I can’t wrap my heart around it.
Where can I run from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
On a crisp Autumn morning, you’re there.
In this Texas Summer heat, still there!
When I cry, when I question,
When I think thoughts I can’t mention
You’re still there!
When I play, when I work,
When I worship –
Your hand always guides me.
You steady my heart with your
If I burrow in the dark of depression
And think you’ll never find me
If I throw on a smile
And think people won’t see
The darkness through my façade,
Even the darkness is not dark to you.
You see my heart behind the mask.
You see the light you placed in me.
Dark and light are alike to you.
You made each.
And you made provision
For me to see you through each.
And you didn’t stop your creating there.
You made ME.
All of me.
Dirty blonde mane.
Curves and edges.
Heart and mind and soul.
You knew me – when I was being formed.
You saw me – before anyone.
And I will throw back my head and praise you
As I did when you and I
Danced in the dark and bright
Of my mother’s womb.
I will praise you because
You amaze me.
You fearfully, wondrously made me
And I know this and it
Drives me to my knees daily.
Bone and muscle, flesh and blood,
When I was drawn in secret
You held the artist’s brush.
You gave me life when you
Planted me in the depths of your love.
Even before this you knew me.
Knew every semicolon of my story
Even before I had a working title.
God, your thoughts are precious to me.
They outnumber the grains of
Sand by the sea
I couldn’t count them,
Even given an infinite number of days.
Every sunset – you give me rest.
When I awaken safely at sunrise
I’m still with you.
You kept watch.
You hid me.
You foiled the plot of the enemy
Who lurked in the dark while I slept.
Lord, search my heart.
Take note that I want to follow you only.
Take this selfishness,
This spirit of distraction from me.
I want to encourage and not offend.
I extend my gaze, outstretch my hands,
And ask that you keep shaping my heart,
As you did in the secret place.
Purify me, God.
Lead me in your way, everlasting.
(This is how my heart reads the Psalms. This is my personal journal entry after reading Psalm 139.)