Posted in Life Lessons, Love

We Just Don’t Clique

This piece is about women – but if you’re a man – please read all the way to the bottom – I need your help.

Enemy Tactics

Lately I’ve seen one main tactic of the devil against women: ISOLATION. And I’m about to throw it down and stomp all over it. Read on.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I’ve felt like this: “I just don’t fit in. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m sure not skinny enough. My clothes/shoes/accessories/car are not fashionable enough. I’m not ‘extra’ enough. I’m not up-to-date enough. I’m just not enough.”

I’m about to take a sledgehammer to all of that nonsense.

These aren’t thoughts. These are enemy-grade tactics whispered into our minds so often we think it’s truth.

Last month was my daughter’s junior prom. She looked forward to it and she looked spectacular. She made plans to go with a group since she didn’t have a date. A week before prom, her friends said they weren’t going as a group anymore since they all had dates. No problem. She’d meet them there.

Prom night came. I did a photo shoot with her. My 10-year-old son surprised her by putting on a suit and bringing her a single rose. It was awesome.

And then there was social media. She began seeing pictures of her friends.

Getting ready – as a group.
Having dinner – as a group.
Riding in a Limo – as a group.

She didn’t have a date – so she’d been left out. I took her to prom and she texted me to pick her up 45 minutes later. She was in tears.

This is what the enemy does – he picks us off, isolates us, lies to us, gets our hopes up, thwarts our plans, and then kicks us while we’re down.

Battle Plans

I spent the next 2 hours on a park-bench-swing holding her hand – her in her beautiful dress with mascara-stained cheeks. We cried together until we were laughing again. TOGETHER.

This is our battle plan:

We do life together.

We laugh, cry, partake in retail therapy, do dishes, take road trips, go to the bathroom, eat too much ice cream to console ourselves, pray, encourage…BUT WE DO IT TOGETHER. We must.


I want to address something here.

Friendships are great. Cliques are not.

Cliques isolate. They leave people out. They don’t allow others to join.

I remember that when I got divorced I lost most of my friends. Married people groups are necessary. They help strengthen marriages. Married friends who exclude just-divorced friends – now that’s just mean. Especially if the divorce just happened. That’s kicking someone when they’re down.

Cliques happen at schools, in churches, at the workplace, and even in families.

Even social media circles can be cliquish. They can isolate. Think all the way around a post before you post it. Social media can be Mean-Girls kinda hurtful.

So I teach my girls: Sweeties – we just don’t clique.


I have a strong circle of BFFs. We are mostly a crafty, goofy, transparent crazy bunch of mommas. That doesn’t mean I’m not really close with other people. And that doesn’t mean you’re not welcome to join us.

Every woman I meet is a friendship waiting to blossom.

BFFs are necessary and cool.

Leaving people out intentionally because they are not whatever enough – not so cool.

Being Intentional

At the first of the year I set a goal to be more intentional with friendships. Guess what happened? I have more friends that I’m close to.

I realized I was half of the problem. I would see groups of friends having fun and think – I guess they don’t want me around. I’m not fill-in-the-blank enough. I won’t even try.

And I’d walk away bitter.

There’s only one letter between bitter and better – and that letter is half of the word “me”.

This year I decided I am enough and I’m going to act like it, and the result is – I have laughed and made deeper friendships this year than ever before.

Huddle Up Fellas

I sat at Zera’s coffee shop one Saturday morning waiting for a new friend. We met at church one Sunday and decided to have coffee the next week. How’s that for intentional?

I went an hour early to do my Bible Study and overheard a group of married men talking about how to be better men and better husbands. As I refilled my cup I walked by and casually thanked them for being great men of God. I said that it was refreshing as a single mom trying to raise a son to hear men of good character discussing prayer, purity, and the Word.

My friend came and as we began to talk the men came and huddled around us. One by one they prayed over me. That I’d be a strong mother. That my son would have a strong father in the near future. That I’d find a godly husband.

Men: do this for us (especially for my single-mom friends. Open your Bible in public. Pray with other men of God. Pray boldly against this isolation tactic the devil is using against us. Refuse to use (and further isolate) women. Make a covenant with your eyes not to look lustfully at a woman (because lustful looking also isolates women).

Will you pray for your sisters?


My email is open. My Facebook page is open. My blog comments are open. My instagram feed is open. My Saturday mornings are usually open.

So let’s get to know each other ladies. Let’s connect – because I don’t know many people with whom I don’t click.


Mom. Word Nerd. Friend.

2 thoughts on “We Just Don’t Clique

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